Tournament of Champions 2008: Day 2

Now entering the studio are today's "former champions":

Craig, that guy who looks like he's had plastic surgery but likely hasn't.

Nick, Clark Kent on meth.

and Celeste, who seems angry and uncomfortable to be here.

Let's Play!

I like how we don't even have to wait until Alex comes onstage for the ridicule and mockery to begin. Johnny Gilbert's pronounciation of "former champions" might as well have been followed with "...and current losers."

I'm just going to admit it: I love, love, LOVE the term "Nifty Nine."

Does Alex always indicate that the first round is easier to make the contestants relax, or to make them feel bad if they fuck up? What do you think?

My husband, when the Director's Chair clue is "Pirahna II: The Spawning and The Terminator": "OH!!! OH!!! JOHN SALES! JOHN SALES!" Wow. Also, what's with Alex pronouncing it "pirania?" It sounds like a theme park for carniverous fish: "Come One, Come All! At Pirania, you'll have a ball! And also a full-sized cow you can devour in less than five minutes!"

Craig is entertaining all of us with his Joanne from Last Week impression, what with the ringing in and not having the slightest idea of what the question is. Sack up, Craig! Head in the game!

Craig indicates that, with his winnings, he bought an El Camino to look "macho." This is along the lines of wearing a beret to look "heterosexual." Nick lost twenty-five pounds and likes the word "holistic." Celeste has finally managed to be interesting, telling a fun story about renting a house in Tuscany ... during which Alex promptly cuts her off, shaming her for attempting to have a personality. (He also rubs it in that Nick has no money. Rare form, Alex, rare form!)

Craig has $5,000 and makes it a true Daily Double, gets the question, and is suddenly my favorite contestant. I'm a sucker for major wagers.

Double Jeopardy!

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Somehow, Alex makes Nick's weight loss sound like a failure. Hooray!

Celeste's guess of Zora Neale Hurston as the author of Jewels and Zoya makes me giggle. And it's funny, because I would have pegged Celeste as a HUGE Danielle Steel fan. Maybe if the clue had included The Klone and I. (That's the book that featured not one but TWO Danielle Steels on the back. One's a Klone!)

The Machu Picchu category features video clues of Alex in Peru. He looks really good in sweaters! Alex needs to get casual more often.

Craig knows all about Annie Get Your Gun. That El Camino's really working out for you, isn't it, Craig?

$6,000 Daily Double!? Go Craig!

Me: "Carnival glass!" Shawn: "How did you KNOW that?" Me: "Needful Things." When obsessions collide.


Final Jeopardy!

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At this point, I'm really glad my friend Mark isn't here. He uses the term "Pyrrhic victory" more often than one might expect, and would likely ridicule and shame me for not knowing this one. It'd be like Alex was here!

Major Wager Craig wins and moves into the Nifty Nine! Hooray!

The Lateness

Well, you caught me out.

Because I'm an idiot, when Alex told us last Friday that the season would be ending, I believed him. This is in fact ˆnot the case. Instead, there's a whole Tournament of Champions going on right under my nose that I was erroneously ignoring. To make matters worse, my g-d TiVo erased Friday's AND Monday's games, so I have no idea what happened. *shakes tiny fist!*

Thankfully, avid reader Tom Devlin stepped up last night and alerted me to the error of my ways. So stay tuned: recaps for Tuesday and Wednesday on their way, with Thursday and Friday hopefully coming tomorrow.

Again, I really apologize for this. Can you find it in your hearts to forgive me?