Show #5513

Now entering the studio are today's contestants:

gabriel, a distractingly sexy fellow who spells his name lowercase, like k.d. lang

Cheryl, who is a computer programmer and looks it.

and Mark, who still looks uncomfortable and jittery after four days. Also: square.

Let's Play!

Alex, surprisingly, does not intimidate or harass Mark at the start of the day. I do notice he doesn't call him champ, either. Alex saves that for real winners.

I'm unsure that Cheryl understand the rules of the game, or even where she is. She rings in quickly, then grunt, "Uh! Uh! Um!" Like she's having a vaguely uncomfortable orgasm. This is not the last time Cheryl will confidently ring in while having no clue what the answer is. Cheryl, buddy, you're insulting Alex and embarrassing me. Stop it.

Gabriel - Gabe, really. Or gabe - gave answer of "aloe" before the commercial instead of "aloe vera." Which is fine, because as Alex approaches his podium, he leans over confidently to Our Man gabe and says, "We all know you meant to say another word there, you rapscallion. What was it?" And then gabe giggles and says, "vera," and then tells a story about languages no one cares about because we're all too busy gazing into gabe's eyes.

Cheryl, the computer programmer, also collects comic books. All right, I'm intrigued. She has 1,500 - an all right collection - and her favorite character is safe choice Batman. Then Alex, out of nowhere, asks her if she likes the Sub-Mariner. Cheryl is thrown. So am I. My husband Shawn comments, "Alex likes comics about aquatic men in short-shorts?" Yep.

Mark tells a story about being a substitute teacher that no one cares about, especially Alex, who talks over him because Mark is easily intimidated. For some reason, I was certain Mark was going to say, "The life of a substitute is a capricious business," but Mark again failed me.

Double Jeopardy!

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Alex refers to a painting as "erotic," which flusters and embarrasses Cheryl, who is a computer programmer. She answers sheepishly, on the verge of tears, because she has a sudden and overwhelming need to wash her hands, wash them clean, oh, she is so DIRTY, Cheryl is DIRTY and I just have to ... to clean, just have to CLEAN, and ... Um. Wow. So that happened.

Is Jimmy the only member of the Clue Crew on today? Here's something I wonder, honestly: they have a contestant named Cheryl; does that mean they wouldn't use Cheryl from the Clue Crew, to avoid confusion? (Conclewsion?) I remember when two girls of the same name were in the Teen Tournament Final Round together, and one of them had to change her name to Fred, because of the potential confusion and because Fred was AWESOME. I digress...

Cheryl incorrectly guesses "Palm Springs," and then mutters the correct answer after she's wrong. I don't know who's stupider: Cheryl for muttering, or Mark and gabe for not scooping the answer. Alex has decided, though: not only does he rub it in that that's not how Jeopardy! is played, Cheryl, but then when Mark gets the Daily Double, Alex states, "This works for you, because of Cheryl misspeaking." I'm not making that up! Alex, she's a computer programmer with likely way more Batman comics than she's letting on. Leave the poor woman alone!

Mark tries to joke and have a rapport with Alex like he's Ken Jennings. I will remind you, Mark, that I know Ken Jennings. And you, sir, are no Ken Jennings.

gabe knows a little something about the ballet, and grins ADORABLY when he gets it right. My point being that gabe is beautiful and bearded, like Josh from yesterday. Uh-oh.


Final Jeopardy!

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It's a Civil War question, something about which Union state gave up slavery after the confederacy. I guessed Vermont, because I know nothing about American History except that William Henry Harrison died in thirty days. When it became obvious that I was wrong, I began guessing far more likely answers: "Utah! Alaska! Guam!" I'm appalling.

Mark again guesses correctly - Maryland - and becomes a 4-day champion with $105, 003. Mark and his square head will be back tomorrow, and so will I!