Show #5514

Now entering the studio are today's contestants:

Kathy, who seems sleepy.

James, who has Ken hair.

and Mark, who might be trying to look modest as Johnny announces his winnings, but with his jerky movements and his shifty eyes, looks more Tourrettesy than anything.

Let's Play!

I'm going to state, right now, that this is an actual quote from Alex, right at the top of the show: "Mark is a substitute teacher. Imagine how much better he would have done if he was a full-time teacher!" Alex has gone from petty intimidation and debasement to outright cruelty. Even the audience turned on him, "ooooo"-ing in shock. And Alex just laughed and laughed.

I always love the Stupid Answers category, because I can usually sweep it and feel superior. Except when it's not really a Stupid Answer, and it's tricky, and I screw up and feel dumb. But at least I don't do it on national TV, right, James?

Kathy's story involves what she has in common with Kirk Douglas, Viggo Mortensen, and Senator Susan Collins of Maine. She indicates that, "well, besides the obvious fact that we're all incredibly talented and attractive, we all went to the same college." Later, Alex refers back to this, stating that she's "talented and bright." No mention of "attractive." Oh, BURN, Alex! BURN!

Is Mark a flaming gay? I think the answer presents itself when Mark responds to a clue about a "stately" musical, "Oooooh-klahoma!" Gay gay gaaaaaaay!

Sarah the Clue Crew member is stuck in a freezer. I wonder if they locked the door and taunted her for awhile before letting her out. They'd never do that to Cheryl, cause she'd cut a bitch.

I am completely stymied by the category Double-Letter Geography until the very end, when I realize the double letters are inside the place names. This is Reason #289 why I blog about Jeopardy! and will never, ever appear on it.

Double Jeopardy!

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How's this for a Stupid Answer? In the poetry category, Alex states that "the abecedarian" form of poetry uses this as a guide. Alex pronounces it "A B C derian." No one got it.

I think it's misleading to call your category "Anagrams That Make Sense," and then drag out the most Byzantine word puzzles ever devised. Lewis Carroll would have stood up at his podium, baffled, going, "Jeez, I don't know. Are you guys serious?"

Mark correctly answers "panty raid" for one of the clues and looks as nervous and jittery as Cheryl did yesterday when faced with the word "erotic." Alex likes to watch you squirm.



Final Jeopardy!

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By this point in the game, I realize I've warmed up to Mark. He's no Ken, but he's no David Madden, either. I've also realized that I really don't want Ken-Hair James to win, and he's the first serious contender since Mark became champion. I feel bad for Kathy, though, who is smart and nice but just isn't a match for the other two

Final is pretty easy - Houdini seems like the only possible answer, and all three knew it - and Mark wagers well. Mark becomes a five-day champion with $141, 804. Mark and his square head will be back tomorrow, and so will I!

... but wait! Did Alex say the season was over tomorrow? Seriously!? OH NO!